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Damini	My friend, whom I shall call Jim, is gay. Fair play to him. He is also very immature and has never had a relationship (20 years old now). My friend Kay is due to move in with him this summer, and she is lovely and sweet and very tolerant of his childishness (Im talking temper tantrums, attention seeking, sulking....). However, they need a third person to move in with them, so advertised, a found a tall, good looking Italian man, very friendly, very nice. Jim has developed an infatuation; Im talking like a 13 year old girl, crying if he doesnt text, turning up wherever he is, flirting horrificly... Now said Italian is straight, not homophobic at all, but no two ways about it straight. But it all worries me; Jim is scaring this guy off by coming on way too strong even though we have all warned him, he goes crazy if any of us girls speak to the Italian or if he speaks to us, sulking in his room for hours, even days, and last night the Italian confided that (as he was due to visit all Jims friends back home) that he really didnt feel comfortable going there on his own because of the way Jim had been acting, and could someone PLEASE come with him? When a mate asked if she could come along, Jim flipped and said he didnt want her there, it was just him and the Italian. So what to do? He'd be heartbroken if we said the Italian didnt feel comfortable with him, but he needs to BACK OFF, and Im worried about my friend Kay if all the house falls through... You may have guessed I dont have much patience with Jim, he is a nice enough bloke but *soooo* infuriatingly immature sometimes. How do you get through to that, because he is going to screw everything up, end up devastated over a relationship that never was, end up with no housemate, and poor Kay is too nice to say a word. I dont like seeing Jim humiliating himself, or seeing him make other people so uncomfortable, but he simply wont listen.
ellybelly	Okay, my two cents, and my old woman's intuition says, Stay out of this, Damini. It's not your thing. Your friend Jim clearly has a problem, one he needs to work out for himself. The best any of us can do is to be straightforward and honest, while maintaining compassion for where the other guy is at. The Italian needs to set some limits for himself, and since these two gentlemen are roomies, they are going to have to work that out without the girls doing all the advising and hand-holding. Suggest, perhaps, that the Italian tell Jim that he's feeling uncomfortable. And then get out of the middle. Deal with Jim on the issues between you and he that bother you. Let Jim's relationship with other people sort out on it's own. That's what I would do.
Yikes	I agree with Ellybelly. If it becomes a major problem, Italian guy will have it out with Jim. It will probably be better (not to mention less embarrasing!) for Jim if the rest of you stay as uninvolved as possible.
Damini	The thing I wasnt clear on is that they havent actually moved in together yet, its the old university game where you move in in July... and Kay had come to me for advice.. my brain works to fast for my typing Anyway, it all came a head yesterday... whilst driving the back to see his mates the Italian confessed that he knew Jim had banned anyone else from coming along(my mate had run out of excuses to explain why she couldnt come)and said this was *far* too awkward and he felt uncomfortable, so they drove back (Jim in floods of tears). So the Oh So Predictacble happenned. Its just horrid watching someone charge into a minefield, especially when everyone has tried to warn them.
cristal	if the Italian guy doesn't feel comfortable going to see Jim alone, why does he think Jim would make a good roommate? i mean, is the Italian guy stupid as well as gorgeous? What, does he think that if he decides to move in, that he'll NEVER be alone with Jim? yes, stay out of it. and sit back and enjoy the soap opera.
Damini	I too am a bit lost on The Italians motivation; comes across as a nice guy but christ, to tell the truth I would have lost my rag a looooong time ago. Yeah, it is kinda cool watching the Opera unravel, I am a female after all! Theres a voyeur in all of us. But its just so frustrating, like watching some fool in a horror movie go down to the basement. Alone. With a torch with a very old battery in it. And if said fool had asked you before hand, "Should I go down the basement alone in the dark on this night of murders and foul play?" and you had said, "No, you twat." and the fool's friend had said "Hmmm... how can I stop him going down in the basement alone in the dark on this night of murders and foul play?" then you too would be twitching to clang heads. Or, ok, grab popcorn. Passivity... pfft. I'll give it a go