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wundrcat	Hi folks... its been a while for me as I haven't had many crises recently. Things overall are going well, but I have sort of come accross a challenge. I need your creative muse and advice to help me find a new way to deal with this. The problem is this: I have started dating again because it's time. So many things about me have healed and I'd like to find someone to spend some time with. So far it's been going ok except..... Dom dom dom..... a behavior I have exhibited in the past keeps resurfacing. The last 3 guys I have dated have said the EXACT same things to me with regards to it and it's scaring me. See, I'm getting clingy with these men after knowing them 1 or 2 days. I know I'm doing it too and I don't know why. I don't want to and I can't say good bye when it's time to especially on the phone. I don't want them to leave my apartment when it's time for them to go. I end up looking like a complete twit and I dont' like it. It's not who I am. How do I get past this and change this destructive behavior? I really don't want this to constantly be the reason that men are attracted to me and then run away because I am acting desperate and clingy. *sigh* thanks in advance. I totally appreciate it!! *the cat ------------------ "Eat one ugly, wart covered, live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day." ~Dilbert
Shayne	Too clingy after too short a time... yeah, that's a definite problem. As to what you can do about it, I'm not sure anyone can answer that question except you, which probably isn't what you want to hear. But try this on for size. Can you think of a reason why this might be happening to you? You say it's not normal behavior for you, so what's changed between you when you were you and this new version of you? Besides identifying what might be responsible... a conscious effort to stop might be the only way you can make it stop. You don't want to become paranoid about your actions, but if they're bothering you, you can try to sort of talk yourself out of being clingy. Just ask yourself what good reason you have for wanting to prolong talking or visiting with guys, and remind yourself that it's important to pace yourself. I don't know of any miracle cure for this stuff -- understanding the origins helps, but the only real treatment is to try and try until you find a situation where you get it right.
Tragically Right	Hey, if anything, you have discovered a REALLY EFFECTIVE way of terminating any future unwanted relationships. I did this same thing when it was too soon for me to start again. Anything he liked or wanted I was ready willing and able to give. Can you say too much? I thought I was ready, but I was wrong. Just think "mystery" -- "aloofness" -- these things attract. It's easy for me to say -- I'm dating no one and plan not to for at least a year.
wundrcat	Thanks for the advice.... I agree, my behavior is bothering me and I am working at changing it. I think what happens is I finally meet someone who strikes my fancy and it would appear that I do the same for them. Then I get so damn excited that I go full force at them because I want so desperately for it to work out. In the immortal words of Everclear, "I try to be everything to everyone." Call it overcompensating or whatever you wish, but that's what's happening. From my understanding, alot of people who were in abusive relationships tend to do this. It's a pisspoor excuse though.. And as for the most recent guy, he's GONE...but on another note... A guy I went out with in HS has resurfaced and it the most amazing way. He likes me MORE than he did in HS so I don't feel like I have anything to prove to him. We've just spent the weekend together and we didn't have sex. It's simply amazing.... Maybe I'm not as big of a wackjob as I thought I was Luv you guys *the cat