Breaking Up: Bitter and loving it
When she was dumped, Tiffany Smith didn't get mad -- she got a Web site.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

By L.A. Johnson, Post-Gazette Staff Writer

Tiffany Smith's ex dumped her unexpectedly and unceremoniously for another in 1997.

She tried to remain civil because they continued to work together, but he still expected her to handle personal business for him.

When she refused to do any more favors for her ex, he called her a bitter slut.

"I was not as bitter as I could have been, and I was far from being a slut," said Smith, 36, of Los Angeles. "I decided to own the title.... In doing so, I gained strength and was able to move on."

She turned an epithet into a Web site and thus, BitterSlut.com was born.

"I did this site as my own personal therapy, and it took off," said Smith, a Web designer who majored in graphic design with a minor in computers at the University of Oregon. "Suddenly, I had all kinds of people telling me their own stories and topping my experience by a long shot."

BitterSlut.com is an Internet community where the lovelorn can cathartically kvetch, commiserate and share the pain of tainted love through message board posts. They also celebrate love's little triumphs and strategize serving up that nice, cold dish of revenge.

"Don't get back together with the Ex!," message board member KGirl advises another member.

"I've got a new man and things are actually amazingly good ... Like ... I'm waiting for him to tell me he's a serial killer or into kiddie porn or something because so far, this has been my dream relationship. He's fun and sweet and I actually like being around him. Amazing," writes another message board member, Yikes.

Some messages posted to BitterSlut.com offer constructive advice. Some are silly. Some are crazy. Some are heartfelt. And some are downright raunchy. This site definitely is for an 18-and-over crowd. The Rev. Love, a friend of Smith's who is an ordained Universal Life Church minister, also provides very sound advice to the lonely-hearted.

Smith recently launched a Best Breakup Story Contest. People can visit www.BitterSlut.com/contest.htm and rant, rave, snivel, whine and recount an especially poignant, painful, funny or just darn interesting breakup story -- from the vantage point of the heartbreaker or the heartbreakee -- for the chance to win a BitterSlut hat and T-shirt. One winner will be selected each month.

"Thank you for sharing your bitterness and enjoying ours," reads the line at the bottom of each Web page.

Smith recently has been approached to appear on the "Ricki Lake" show. BitterSlut.com also has been mentioned in "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Online Dating and Relating," by Joe Schwartz and the about.com Bitter Chicks section.

Most visitors to the site are women talking about breaking up with men, but there are a few men talking about women and folks in same-sex relationships talking about breakups, too.

"Everyone can be a bitter slut!" Smith says.

And in the Web site's five years of existence, Smith has received numerous e-mails from satisfied visitors.

"It's really helped," she says. "They've been able to move on from their relationship and get past it and go out and love again. And that's a good thing."

L.A. Johnson can be reached at ljohnson @ post-gazette.com or 412-263-3903.

(Reprinted with permission.)